His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize