smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
