My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
