Ambien. No doubt about it.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
