I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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