I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I am one with the molecules
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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