matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
