I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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