omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I think pants incapable of making pants work
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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