Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
