I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
