my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
