you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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