If that was your dad, he is hot
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
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