Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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