Its about making memories worth repressing
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
