i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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