I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
