You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
