I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
