Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
