if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We just shotgunned beers for America
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
