I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
