When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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