Apparently you make a good broom.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
