dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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