i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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