its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
