Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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