i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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