I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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