Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
