Pappa wants mamma naked
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
