remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
