i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
