you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
