Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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