...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.