why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
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You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
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It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.