I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
NoShamevember. You game?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success