would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?