I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.