My friends, they love my intelligence
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.