Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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