i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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