I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
