meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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