Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
