I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
