she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
