omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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