The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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