I am puke
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
