Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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