I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
