i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
