WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
