apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
