The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
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One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
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Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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