We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
