i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
