I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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