Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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