okay pat passed out under dana's car
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
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We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
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So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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