i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
