So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
