i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
