5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
