Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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