ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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