Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
