i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
