do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
